the boiling of the blood in our veins makes us clench our teeth. and other things.

there's a dramatic difference between looking at the streets of haiti through the window of a van, car or bus, and walking the streets themselves; you bump shoulders and step on toes and get mud on your feet and smell all of the good and the bad and the ugly.

and i knew that experiencing haiti would be this way;

the circle of protection and comfort and peace that is our tiny hotel campus shatters,

and the glass of the car window dissapears,

and people are shouting in a language and using expressions and body language and talking about things and experiences and frustrations and calling you unpleasant names and greeting you warmly and staring at you coldly and making you feel like you shouldn't even be here.

so, it's like chicago.  

___

we felt a stirring in our veins today.

before returning to the maison, we spent a few hours at another local children's shelter, specifically founded and operated for boys (although a few little girls were being housed there as well.) the boys' ages ranged from infants to 18 and 19 and 20.

jon, sam and i played some basketball with these boys.

needless to say, we were schooled.

and we loved every moment of our competitional demise.

___


we felt a boiling of our blood today.


the children we've been spending time with are orphans, and many of us felt a strong sense of want to "rescue" them from their current way of life. others simply wanted to be able to spend more time with the kids. still others, myself included, were frustrated by not being able to express inner workings.
our veins were stirred, but we couldn't articulate it.

so many of us cried.

or if we didn't cry, we scowled.

or if we didn't scowl, we stared at the ground and clenched our teeth and our fists.

or if we didn't do that, we hugged each other.

such is the outward expression of our inner conflict. and the conflict is great. it is too much to bear.

                  these children have very little, and we have very much, and we are aware of that.

that causes the blood in the veins to stir and boil and scream and riot and protest every part of our being.

we want to give these children everything.

we want to trade places with these children.

we want to see haiti restored.

we want to see the endless mounds of trash and filth dissapear.
we want to see haitians living, as opposed to simply surviving.


we want to see collapsed cathedrals rebuilt.

we want to see these streets made anew.

__

we were sad and frustrated and happy and glad and depressed and elated and thoughtful and moody and angry and excited and confused.

today was a very good day.

thanks for caring.

-simon