Returning to the states brought many mixed feelings.


Feelings of confusion, frustration, loss.


Waking up this morning recovering from a fever I realized how spoiled i am. I'm fully taken care of, enjoying a comfortable bed, plenty of water whenever I need it, american medicine. The people i just left in Haiti are severely lacking medical assistance, clean water, and so many things we take for granted here.


What am I doing here? This place has everything for me and yet nothing for me. I have a burning desire to return and it's overwhelming. But as I lift these things to God, I am reminded of something. In His power and perfect will, He has work for me here, a reason to return, even if for a little while, 'cause i am confident He is calling me back to Haiti. all in His timing.


I also have hope that I am still with them in spirit. on Friday we visited a home specifically reaching out to street boys. Jimmy, who started the home and takes care of the children, was raised on the street. The rough edges of the boys were still visible, but change is evident. They were open and loving, excited to see us. As we spent time with them we got to talk with some of the boys individually. Very few spoke anything but Creole. Susanna introduced me to one dude who spoke spanish and a little broken english. As we did our best to communicate, we found out he knew Jesus and he was excited to know we did too. I don't remember what he said after that but i remember i told him "tu eres me hermano" meaning, 'you are my brother'. It was one of those things i didn't really think about, it just kinda came out. it hit me later that, even though i'm gone, separated physically from him, we are unified in Christ, and I will see him again.. whether in the months to come, or years from now, or in heaven, we have a bond that ties us together as brothers.


So in that, i have hope. and in Christ, I can say (even though i don't like it) i am an american because God wants me to be, and I am here because He is using me for something just as important as He had me in Haiti for. otherwise.. I know I would still be in Haiti right now, He would have hid my passport or made me late for a plane. But since He didn't i can be confident He wants me here for some reason or another.


The trip is over, but our journey isn't done. He has opened our eyes, and I await God's voice to lead me next.


-Jonathan